Mountain Dew Church Pin Cherry Bomb
CAM Ė 17, large but not necessarily soft, wears cut offs and a T-shirt, perhaps of some ominous, not-necessarily known metal band
LEE Ė 15, short, flat-chested girl with short hair. Sheís also in cut-offs. CAMís first cousin.
Backyard of LEEís house in the South
An empty space with a perhaps a suggestion of dark woods in background.
Ö and this Red Devil bottle rocket is pretty big. And this fountain is like the tallest one they had. And these tanks are loud....
Öuh-huh and some bad ass Snap ĎN Pops and some sparklers.
CAM throws the sack on the ground. LEE picks it up.
Those are for the twins.
Yeah. OK, Lee. Right.
What do you have, Cam? Huh, why donít you let me see?
What the hell you care?
My dad said I could set all my fireworks off by myself Ė except for the rocket Ė but I could do everything else since I turned 15 last month and he said Iím practically grown.
What do ya think your daddy would say about this?
Itís just a firecracker.
Gimmie it. (CAM snatches the sack back from LEE) Itís a cherry bomb Ė a cherry bomb -- and itís practically illegal like almost a stick of dynamite and Iím gonna blow a big hole in somethiní in a few minutes so why dontcha ya run up on the deck where itís safe with the twins and your momma and daddy and have some, I donít know, ice cream.
My dad wonít like it at all if you blow up part of his yard. Heís real fussy about it and makes me and the twins come out and pick up sticks even after a slight breeze.
Maybe Iíll light this cherry bomb and throw it down your pants.
You wouldnít do that.
Donít do that, Cam.
What do you think your daddy would do to me, Lee? Make me pick up sticks? Or go to his Bible study?
You know we prayed for you. When we heard what happened. My dad brought us all into the den and asked us to pray for you.
But I didnít because I knew you wouldnít like it. So while mom and the twins were bowing their heads and praying, I had my eyes open and watched them.
I did, I swear to God.
Lookit, I donít need nobody to pray over me. We all know that everybody in your family is puss churchgoers. My dad says your dad is a puss. On the drive over here my dad was sayiní your dad was whiny puss growiní up, cryiní when he fell off his bike and or like when my dad made him eat dirt and all this Iím saved Holy Rolliní Bible thumpiní makes him even more of a puss. And youíre his little puss daughter, little Lee with bird legs and a little flat chest.
Then youíre a Cro-Magnon!
Maybe Iíll steal one of your Red Devils and shoot it at your dadís face.
You are descended from the apes! You know those charts in schools with the apes coming out of the evolutionary water. Theyíre all slumped over like a question mark and then they get straighter and straighter until they have shaved and are carrying a briefcase. You are back there with the question marks. Thatís what you are, Cam. An ape question mark.
Then why dontcha get outta my face and let me get drunk by myself.
And you better shut up your little trap about it, too. Yeah, I lifted some Jack from daddyís special cabinet Ďfore we left. Mixed it with the Mountain Dew.
Whatís it taste like?
What, you gonna drink some?
Here little cousin. Dare ya.
That smells foul.
You know drinkinís a sin. Itís like one of the worst sins, desecrating Godís temple.
Youíre such a little queer bait.
I am not queer.
How come your chest is so flat? You born a boy?
Bet you were. Thereís this retard in our school you canít tell if heís a boy or girl and theyíve like done all these surgeries on him and like they canít make up their mind what they want him to be. One day itís a boy and the other day itís a girl. Somebody caught the retard in the bathroom with his pants down and said it was blue spaghetti down there. Bet youíre like that.
I am not!
Ha! Only somebody with spaghetti down there would say that.
Iíll show you I am not. I am a girl. See.
My boobs are cominí. Itís gonna be slow. My mom says my brain and my mouth are growiní first and my boobs are second.
I saw it.
Are you gonna light that cherry bomb?
Youíll get in big trouble.
Iím aready in trouble, queer bait.
But there was that deal where you donít have to go to jail. Thatís what my dad was sayiní.
Yeah, I gotta go to military school in about three weeks.
Donít you learn how to shoot a gun in military school?
Eventually I guess.
You sure your parents know what theyíre doing?
They know. Theyíre just packing me off to get rid of me. They canít stand the sight of me. Thatís what my mother said to my face. Right to my face. They want to stick me somewhere and give Casey all their love and attention.
Caseyís already a spoiled daddyís girl.
They say discipline will take care of my Ďanger issues.í Itís only going to make me more angry. I hate Ďem all. All of them are liars. The teachers and mental health professionals and mom and dad.
You donít mean that.
Hate you too, little cousin.
ĎCause. (Pause) You gonna show me your nasty again? That was fun. Donít think they give out church pins for that you know.
Who told you about my church pin?
I think your dad called our house every day for a month just bragging his ass off about you and your perfect attendance church pin. You think my parents would blow it off, especially coming from your dad, but no, they just figured it was one more way to rag on me, one more way to point out how I am a failure and a disappointment. Not that they go tí church more than two or three times a year.
Yesterday I threw my church pin in those woods back there. Threw it away. I did.
Iím just telling you.
Why did ya do that?
It was a cheap pin. Like plastic.
Your parents will be pissed.
OK. Whatever, Lee.
They gave me a pin for being at church. Just for being there. You would have thought I was a saint like up on those stained glass windows with the halo and the blood cominí out of my mouth. They donít know what I was thinking while I was at church.
This doesnít look like anything that dangerous.
It is. A cherry bomb blew off a kidís hand once. Now give it.
Are you just gonna talk or are you really gonna light it?
Give it back. I donít know.
Now whoís being the puss?
Would you give it back? You could hurt yourself.
I love you.
I know Iím not supposed to, but I do. You think our babies would look all weird?
Yeah, would they be weird lookiní? Weíre first cousins. Theyíd have like no necks or somethiní.
I guess they would.
What are you doing?!
Címon Lee, you better run!
Come here, cousin.
Song of San Onofre